i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
All I want is dick and wine.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
