I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
