Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
