Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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