you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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