Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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