So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
