I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just pynch a tree in the face
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
