Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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