Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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