Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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