Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dicks are not precious.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
