did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
