they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
