How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
