i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
