omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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