She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
