I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i think my cat just said my name.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
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