At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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