evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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