I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
BRING THE BAGELS
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
