The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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