IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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