He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
