you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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