Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
