Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
