they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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