where am i from again
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
