the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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