I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
zippers are such a cool invention
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
