But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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