i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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