Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Terrible idea I love it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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