Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My penis needs a shock collar
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
