I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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