I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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