Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
