i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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