Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
