After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
