in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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