Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
