I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
