could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
