Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
