I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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