I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
