Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
