I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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